Those damn aliens

Right now America is getting itself worked up into a lather about aliens. Normally, I'd be delighted by this - I've read pretty much every book on UFOs as I'm a massive fan of all things saucer shaped and small and green. However, I'm afraid to say the aliens in question are mainly from Mexico and are cleaning pools, doing housework, serving fast food and generally doing the jobs you, me and no American in their right mind wants.

A bill is currently going through congress to give illegal aliens the chance to become US citizens providing they pay some fines, pass a security check and pledge allegiance to the flag. The debate surrounding it is at times quite terrifying to behold. I caught a bit of the Larry King show a couple of days ago and I saw possibly the most extraordinary political statements I've ever seen. This 'campaigner' against the bill uttered the sentence 'since 9/11, 3,212 American citizens have been killed by illegal aliens.' You may be wondering what on earth somebody getting stabbed by a drunk Mexican in a bar fight has to do with terrorism? So am I. What truly appalled me was that none of the other 3 panellists or Larry King questioned what the hell this bloke was on about. It seems in America, anything can be justified by sticking the magic numbers of 9/11 in the sentence. It's the equivalent of saying, since the Irish potato famine, 9,245 Irish people have died from choking on fish bones. You just attach something emotive to any point you want to make and let your teary eyed expression do the work. The Republican leader of congress broke down in tears during the week at the mere mention of 9/11, asking when are Americans finally going to stand up and fight back? Be warned, apparently up until this point they've merely been sulking, God help us when they get angry.

The emigrants thing is a peculiar debate. Republicans seem to want to link it to security, like Al Queda have training camps in Tijuana just waiting for America to get caught with its pant down, looking for someone to help them wipe their arse. The reality is that their entire economy is built on emigrants doing the jobs they don't want to do. If the hardliners got their way and every illegal was booted out tomorrow, by Wednesday the entire country would be submerged in its own garbage, living off tins of cat food and wondering what happened to the water and electricity. Maybe just maybe, what really scares the Right is that if these people decide to vote before going to work in the morning, all of a sudden there'll be a few more tanned faces in congress and they won't be there to pick up the rubbish.

The good news is - A New York Times poll taken this week shows that most Americans are over-whelmingly in favour of an illegal immigrant amnesty. Maybe, just maybe - the desire to get a pizza in under 20 minutes is over-riding the fear of the delivery boy ramming his moped into your patio.