Wax on, wax off!

Well, I'm back in dear old Blighty. I should point out that for all my whinging and moaning about stuff, I did have a fantastic time in the states - whinging and moaning is how I appear to enjoy myself. It's a Catholic thing, we love the misery.

The San Francisco wax museum being a perfect case in point, my God was that place brilliantly terrible. The first clue was the Brad Pitt they had outside, who looked more like a bad David Beckham. I'm sure when he arrives in LA next year, it'll no doubt become their bad David Beckham. Also, their Beyonce was, I kid you not, a blacked-up copy of their Angelina Jolie. Tremendous!

The World leaders section was a joy, not least because the British politician was.... have a guess.... Go on...
Tony.... no no no.
Gordon - Hardly
Maggie Thatcher - good guess but no.....
John Major!

Really? The only man whose wax work is more life-like than he is. How unlucky were they to pick him to spend all that valuable wax on? He wasn't really a PM, he was kinda like the bloke who stood in while somebody proper came along. He was like the substitute teacher of world leaders, only without the commanding authority.

The scientists bit - oh, that was properly offensive. Darwin, Freud, Da Vinci and... Bill Gates! The man actually never invented anything! Windows was developed by a team, his great moment of insight was getting IBM to sign over the rights to it... hardly makes him a genius. Maybe whoever runs this wax museum had a fetish for geeky blokes in glasses?

The Americans presidents bit was great. They'd all the Republicans on one side and all the Democrats on the other. Even in wax, they can't get together. George Washington and Roosevelt had the weirdest expressions standing in the middle of the two warring factons. George had a severe case of the sweats and Teddy looked like he was gagging. Mind you, bearing in mind the company, who can blame them. They looked less like ex-presidents and more like a fancy dress stag do who were about to get very messy.

Bill Clinton meanwhile, appeared to be checking out Jackie Kennedy's arse, some things never change.